How to Read People

Listen to their tone of voice. A person’s voice can tell you a lot about what they’re feeling. Listen for inconsistencies in tone or pitch of their voice. Are they simultaneously coming off as happy and angry? They’re probably trying to cover something up. 

• Note the volume — are they talking louder or quieter than usual?
• Watch to see if they are hedging using their voice, saying “Um,” or “Uh,” often. If this is the case, they might be nervous or lying and trying to buy time.
• See if their tone conveys an emotion that they’re not expressing outright. For example, do they sound sarcastic or angry? They may feel the need to passively address the situation. If this is the case, it’s best to get everything out in the open.

Note the length and tone of their responses. Short, clipped responses to questions could mean that the person is frustrated or busy, while long responses could mean that the person is interested and happy with the conversation.

Think about word choice. When people say things, there’s always a process underlying the content. If someone were to say to you, “You’re dating another dental hygienist?” They’re usage of the word “another” indicates that they’re actually saying, “You just dated a dental hygienist and that went to crap — now you’re dating another one?!” 

• The recent construction “yeah, no” has become quite popular. Even small two-letter words can be a dead giveaway for ambivalence (or for definiteness or face-saving or assent or dissent or really anything for that matter.^[6] [7] ) Even if your buddy says, “Dude, c’mon,” that can be a small sign. The “dude” there is to indicate solidarity, an acceptable way of saying “friend.”^[8] So start parsing away those words to get a true indicator of how your target feels.