How to Read People

Take in how they are holding themselves. Body language can tell you a lot about what someone is feeling, especially when it comes to how comfortable they feel. It may be a reflection of the topic at hand or it could be some interpersonal issue. Here are some general guidelines that indicate comfort level. 

• Positive or comfortable body language cues:^[2]
  • Leaning in forward
  • Relaxed limbs that are at their sides
  • Eye contact
  • Smiling that does not look forced or gritted
• Negative or uncomfortable body language cues:
  • Leaning away from you
  • Crossed arms or legs
  • Limbs that are moving — a lot of nervous tapping of the fingers or leg, for example
  • Looking away when talking

Look at their face. You should also keep an eye out for fleeting facial expressions. Watch people very closely to see if there are any small movements of the mouth that give away what people are really feeling. For example, a person may smile at you but if their lip twitches, it might mean that they are thinking of something negative.^[3] 

• Anything clenched or tense, if even for a second, can be a sign. A furrowed brow, a tense jaw, it’s all signs of anxiety.
• If their eyes close for longer than a normal blink, they’re probably stalling and taking a moment to get a grasp on a situation.^[1] It generally is an indicator of someone who is losing grip, be it on themselves or in a situation.

See if they touch you. For example, if a person usually hugs you when they see you but they don’t, it might mean that they feel tension towards you. Similarly, think about things like a weak handshake — that could signify nervousness or uncertainty.^[4] 

• Touching is a tough one, though. Everyone has different ideas of a “personal bubble” and just because someone touches you a lot doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “in.” You could just be one in a line around the block. If you’re curious about their touching habits toward you, monitor them around other people to see where the norm lies.

Observe how far away they are spatially. How close or far away a person is from you also gives you some insight into their state of mind. For example, if a person is distancing themselves from you physically, it may mean that they do not want to be vulnerable or intimate. Or it could mean they’re in a hurry! Again, clusters are key here. 

• Some people are not comfortable being within a certain physical proximity of others regardless of the situation. So just because someone keeps their distance, it may not be a reflection of you. The same goes for the opposite end of the spectrum — other people have no concept of personal space. If they’re violating yours, they may not even realize it.

Consider the cultural relevance of their body language. A person’s cultural background will affect the body language they use, their facial expressions, and how close they get to you. It’s important to consider these things when trying to read people. You don’t want to draw the wrong conclusion about someone because you viewed them through a narrow lens.^[5]